Fear of Missing Out Fail

I thought it was human nature to feel the nagging discontent of wanting what you don’t have, of seeing other peoples’ lives and daydreaming about trading places, of worrying that everyone else is having more fun and you’re missing out.

Turns out I was wrong. This isn’t just human nature—it’s also cat nature.


Right now, our dear feline El Noche is crying his heart out because he’s been imprisoned in the bedroom and he hears noises coming from the attic. See, he snuck up there one time when Brandon was installing ceiling fans. Noche roamed, fascinated, into every nook and cranny, evaded capture for a good hour, and basically had the best day ever.

His life’s mission since then has been to get back to this magical alternate realm that exists mere feet above his head yet remains maddeningly inaccessible to him.

I tried to explain to Noche that the attic in August is actually Hell on Earth.

putting out fires

The two guys currently making enticing sounds are up there replacing our HVAC system in a cramped, suffocating, windowless, 150-degree box of pain. Given the choice to be toiling away up there on a blistering hot Friday or lounging in a room with an open window, peaceful wooded view, a cool breeze from the ceiling fan, a soft bed, bowls full of food and water, a private potty, and a hundred or so comfy, kitty-sized nooks and hiding spots, they’d trade places in a heartbeat.

But, like all green-grassers, Noche refuses to believe that things aren’t perfect on the other side of the ceiling.

This is what losing looks like in the 21st century: even our pets can’t just relax and appreciate what they have without comparing themselves to others and suffering from FOMO.

I mean, it’s not like Noche’s in the back bedroom scrolling through his Instagram feed, green with envy over cleverly hashtagged, artfully filtered shots being posted hourly by the HVAC workers.

attic copy

#lovinglife #vacationmode #livingthedream #I’mintheatticandNocheisn’t


…or is it? It could be the whirring noise I thought was a drill is actually the sound of strawberry daiquiris and margaritas being blended. Those thumps and crashes could be from all the moves being busted. Maybe none of us were invited to a grand party that’s happening right above our heads. Such is the way of losing at life.


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